How to Start a Buddy Ministry that Helps Every Child Belong

I’m often asked by churches who are beginning a special needs or disability ministry, “Where do we start?” While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, a great place to begin is by launching a buddy ministry. Pairing volunteers with kids who need extra support can be one of the most effective ways to help every child feel safe, included, and able to participate fully. Whether a child is navigating disability, trauma, or just needs a little more help, a buddy can make all the difference.

When a child walks into church, school, or a community program, they bring their whole story with them—joys, challenges, differences, and needs. Some children may be disabled or neurodivergent. Others may be carrying the weight of trauma, working through grief, anxiety, or behavior struggles. Some have experienced hard things at home or in their past that make it difficult to engage in typical ways. Every child deserves the chance to fully participate, and a buddy program can be the bridge that makes this possible.

Whether you’re launching a new inclusion ministry or just looking for ways to better support the kids already in your care, a buddy program is a powerful, practical step toward creating spaces where every child belongs.

What Is a Buddy Ministry?

A buddy is a trained volunteer—typically a teen or adult—who provides one-on-one support to a child or student who needs extra help to engage in a group setting. Buddies aren’t there to take over or separate the child from their peers. Their goal is to support participation, encourage connection, and offer consistent presence.

These programs are common in churches, schools, and community organizations. They may serve kids with disabilities, neurological differences, trauma, behavioral needs, or even those going through difficult life transitions like divorce or grief.

At our church, our buddy program was part of our broader Inclusion Team. Some of the kids we served had diagnoses like autism, ADHD, or developmental delays. Others were going through short-term challenges like a biting phase or emotional dysregulation after a loss. Buddies offered the individualized support these kids needed to **stay in the room—or take a break in a quieter environment—**while still feeling like they belonged.

In our ministry, some buddies were consistently paired with the same child, while others were “on call” for kids who dropped in and needed extra support that day. This flexible approach ensured that every child had the support they needed, even if their needs were occasional or unpredictable.

Why Buddy Ministry Makes a Difference

Children with disabilities or support needs often face barriers in traditional group settings. Without proper support, they may feel isolated, misunderstood, or excluded—sometimes even unintentionally. A buddy program sends a clear message to every family: Your child is wanted here, and we’re ready to meet them where they are.

In inclusive environments, “typical” kids and kids with disabilities participate in the same activities side by side. They learn from one another, grow in empathy, and develop authentic friendships. When a child needs extra support to participate, a buddy steps in—not to isolate them, but to ensure they’re included with their peers, not separated from them.

Who Can Serve as a Buddy Volunteer?

You don’t have to be a special education professional to serve as a buddy—just someone who’s willing to learn, stay flexible, and show up with compassion. Buddies are often:

• Adults who want to serve one-on-one but aren’t comfortable leading a full group.

• Teens (typically age 13 and up) with a heart for kids and a maturity to follow through.

• People with personal or professional experience with disability—or those just eager to make a difference.

When pairing teens with children, it’s best to maintain at least a three-year age gap and ensure ongoing adult supervision. For teens, trained peer buddies—buddies who are the same age—can be a great option, especially in middle or high school settings.

Buddies are not therapists or fixers. Their role is to build trust, follow the child’s lead, offer support as needed, and model friendship. They may use tools like fidgets, headphones, or visual schedules to help the child regulate and engage—especially if the child is sensory-sensitive or autistic.

How to Recruit and Inspire Buddy Volunteers

Some of your best buddies may never have volunteered in children's ministry before.

We’ve found that many adults who wouldn’t dream of leading a large group or being responsible for a whole room full of kids are eager to build a meaningful relationship with just one child. The key to recruiting is sharing stories—like how a buddy helped a child stay in the room or take breaks and still feel included, how a volunteer discovered their unique gift, or how a family finally felt seen and supported.

Tips for recruitment:

• Share testimonies/stories during volunteer gatherings.

• Post buddy opportunities on social media with clear expectations.

• Reach out to youth group leaders to identify potential teen volunteers.

• Invite people who have expressed interest in disability or trauma-informed ministry.

Key Roles and Responsibilities for Buddies

Every buddy-child pairing will look different, but here are the core responsibilities of a buddy:

• Follow your organization’s safety protocols and guidelines.

• Work with the other leaders in the room to help the child integrate with peers.

• Offer age-appropriate discipleship or mentorship as applicable (in church settings).

• Use tools or modifications (e.g., sensory items, visuals, breaks) to help the child regulate and participate.

• Stay flexible—some days may call for full group participation, other days for one-on-one play or quiet time.

Practical Tools: Creating a Buddy Bag

Many churches provide buddy bags—grab-and-go kits filled with tools that help kids stay regulated and engaged. A buddy bag might include:

• Noise-reducing headphones

• Fidgets or sensory items

• Notepads and markers

• A visual schedule

• Calming strategies (breathing cards, emotion charts)

• Items specific to that child’s needs and interests

Sandra Peoples, an advocate for families affected by disability and the mom of an autistic son, introduced these at her church. In her words, “When you walk into our church, you see buddy bags hanging in the atrium—that tells families this is a church for them.” Each bag is tailored to the child’s needs and helps normalize the use of regulation tools for all.

Preparing and Supporting Your Buddy Team

Before being paired, buddies should complete:

• A volunteer application and background check (if required by your organization)

• Basic training on child safety, inclusion philosophy, and trauma-informed care

• Guidance on how to support their specific buddy. You don’t need to be an expert on a diagnosis—but you do need to grow into an expert on that child. What are their interests? What triggers stress or dysregulation? What calms and soothes them? The better you understand the individual, the better you can support them.

Offer ongoing check-ins, training refreshers, and community with other buddies to ensure your volunteers feel equipped and supported.

Knowing When a Child Needs a Buddy

Not every child with a diagnosis will need a buddy—and not every child without one won’t. Some families may request support; other times, your team may notice a child who consistently struggles to engage, stay safe, or regulate emotions.

The beauty of a buddy program is its flexibility. A child might need one-on-one support every week for a season—or just occasionally when life gets hard. We’ve seen kids with no formal diagnosis thrive with a buddy after a move, a loss, or a hard season at school.

Remember: what works this week may not be the best fit next week. Stay open to change.

Creating a Church Where Every Child Belongs

A buddy program isn’t just a strategy—it’s a statement. It says, “You are welcome here, just as you are. And we’re ready to meet you with the support you need.”

Every child deserves a place where they feel safe, seen, and supported. And sometimes, that place begins with just one person willing to sit beside them and say, “I’m here with you.”

Resources to Launch and Grow Your Buddy Ministry

These organizations offer videos, articles, and more to help you start and grow your buddy ministry:

• Ability Ministry https://abilityministry.com

• Joni & Friends – joniandfriends.org

• Key Ministry – keyministry.org

• Nathaniel’s Hope Buddy Break – nathanielshope.org/our-programs/buddy-break

• Sandra Peoples’ Buddy Training – sandrapeoples.com/buddy-training

Looking for more tools to support kids with disabilities, trauma, and unique needs in your ministry? Join the team and explore free resources at kimbotto.com. Be sure to check out KidMin Hangouts—monthly gatherings where leaders connect, share ideas, and learn practical ways to build ministries where every child feels welcome and included.

Every child belongs. Let’s make sure they know it.

Kim Botto is a longtime children’s and student ministry leader who has spent decades also supporting foster and adoptive families. She’s passionate about creating spaces where every child—no matter their background, behavior, or abilities—can belong, contribute, and grow.

This article is adapted from the book Boundless Hope for Every Child: Help for the Hurting, Compassion for the Misunderstood, Belonging for the Lonely *by Kim Botto and was originally posted on *her blog.